忘了愛

The last thing I handed for her

The last card I wrote

I don't have the energy anymore to be in love ....

There won't be anyone going to replace her anymore ....

I will always be lonely and alone .
A love that have to be left behind and to be forgotten ...

I don't believe in love anymore , I don't trust love as a future ,

Because love drag me up and down .

Why do I have to keep this love go so well ,

while there is no one appreciating my love ....

Why do I still have to love her ,

When she already don't love me anymore ....

Why do I still have the courage to see her ,

because I know , that I still love her .....

Is because you totally forget everything between us already .....

You will forget today , you will also forget me ....

When the look in your eyes , you have different feelings towards me already ,

I can see , there's not even my image in your eyes anymore ,

My look , my image , will never appear in your heart once again ....

希望聽到有人會提到,你好不好

Hope after today , without my concern ,
There will still someone mention about you ,
Whether you are ok or not ...
I hope people around me will always remind me of you , remind me how are you , but not letting me know she's with someone else , with someone new . I don't need to know that , will only hurt me deeply , she have her own new life now , it doesn't matter who she is with now , a bad boy , a good boy is all depends on herself ..

I just wish that boy will change for her , will always care more than I do then is enough . I just wish to know how is she , is she okay or not ? Whether is she fine , or is there anything happens to her , I am always willing to give help behind .

Because , I can only love you in my heart , not anymore in reality .....

KahWai ...

藍色的碗盤多買了一套 , 我忘了沒人陪我通宵

I've bought everything in pairs .
I bought towel
I bought 2 toothbrush
I bought 2 blanket
I bought 2 persons groceries

But I just bought 1 Ice cream ,
After all , I only realise there is no people sharing with me .
Singing the whole night , yet not being able to escape tear provoking melodies ....

I talk to my friend , he gave me a very touching story , about how he dream of the event of her mum passed away everyday . He realise that his mum suffer difficulty from breathing , yet he did not take immediate actions and ask why , his mum were sent to the hospital later on . As a son , he can't do anything to help her , but to promise her words and live better in his life ...

I believe even the last breath is to see her own son and husband , wish them all the best in everything . I knew before she pass away , God did ask her , what is her wish ? I am very sure is to pray for her son , her husband . She will always be in your heart . My friend told me learn to let go .....

I answered , how ? But I did define at last . This is what I call love ....

I told my friend , loving someone is not that easy . I have the same responsibility like your mum have . Before this , your mum can only consider a mature women . Once you are born , she change her status to so called "MUM" . She will change herself , to be a better mum everyday . She cook for you , she put all her hope on you , all her words on you , just to concern you more and more about your future . She gave you 100% of care , I can only say you gave her 5% of care , did you cook for her everyday ? Did you concern her more than she concern you ?

I am suffering from a feeling , a feeling like this , imagine you become very rich , and you have a wife , and your mum is looking for you but you don't even want to care her at all , you abandoned her for no reason , or the reason is that she is poor . She will feel more worst than dying . After all her sacrifices , her love that she have put on you , she don't deserve even a proper sight and the way you call her again MUM for once ?

My friend , at least she leaves happily , because she loves you , and you love her ... She knows at least you never put her down , and never left her behind .

This is same to me , I treasure my love everyday , I gave her 100% happiness and care . I don't mind cook for her every morning and send it to school for her , I don't mind wasting my money on her , I don't mind doing stupid things to make her feel better , I don't mind protecting her from everything . I will change myself to be a better boy for her future . I don't mind dying for her . This is because I love her . And turning back , she left me easily , she told me she never love me anymore after I treated her to the max . Is no different from the story I said just now if you treat your mum badly and don't even give her a proper sight from you .

I am right now more suffer from dying . Because I lost the most important thing in my life , I sacrifice things to build her up , to let the love grow , to help her and myself in my future . But right now , she choose to leave me and everything I have done for her is totally not worth a word call ''meaning'' anymore . The feel is like I am watching a person I love doing things she do but I cannot give any concern anymore . Is not I can let go or not , is because once you found the one you love , you will never have the courage to let go .

If you and your mum were in a gunpoint , one has to die , and yet your mum will make the decision , you can guess the answer who has to suffer the gunshot

same to me ,

If I and her were in a gunpoint , one has to die , and yet I will make the decision , I am very sure I will choose myself instead of her to suffer the gunshot

Is because we want to protect our love ones to the end .

If there's still morning

Every morning , it seems to be very dark for me ,
Like having a big hangover , backache , headache , migrain .
I just feel like crying every morning .

Where is my morning glory ?
Where is my happy moments ?
I am used to wake up early in the morning ,
but right now I just don't feel like even waking up anymore ...

My room is so messy , I am lazy to clean it up anymore ...
Let it be , things had happen is already happen , we cannot reverse it anymore .
I can only wish the one I love happy , at the moment wish her all the best in everything . I've made my decision ...

I will never have a conversation with you anymore ...
Is because I too love you .. To love you , is to let you go right now ...

KahWai .

Tears ....

Each time when I write this blog , I will be tearing all the moment ...

I am torturing myself , to here and there ...

I don't want to ask about this anymore ,
1 . Do you still care about me ?
2 . Do you still have feel for me ?
3 . Do you still remember our memories ?
4 . Do you know how pain am I ?
5 . Why you want to leave me ?
6 . Why do you have to avoid me ?
7 . Why is things important for you more than me ?

After all , what I sacrifice , what I do , I can't really describe with words anymore ...
I know you're with someone new , it hurts me deeply because I'm going to see you soon too ...
Everything will be over next Monday ....
Me and you , you are right , nothing special anymore at all for you ....
I know , reasons you gave me is just too obvious ...
I know you are there , I don't want to say but I know you are always there ,
but you are just chatting with someone else , and avoid my questions and everything .

You are the reason why my heart is so Pure and also why my heart is broken .
I'm once holding a heart and you shattered my heart everywhere ,
When I am trying to find pieces of my heart and puzzle it together ,
once again you messed it up .
My heart will never recover into a love shape ,
but pieces of my heart will always beats around ....

I never regret

Will you marry me ?

I know I am not perfect and I have not made things easy for either of us but I love You with all my heart . I will do whatever it takes to make this work . I cannot imagine a day without you in my life and I do not know how I survived before I met you . When I think about you, it warms my heart . You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night . You are in my dreams , my hope and my prayers . You make me a better man . To have you sharing my life with me and me sharing your life is truly a gift from God . I love the way we finish each other's sentences. The look in your eyes , the sound of your voice , your smile , your touch are all greater gifts than I probably deserve , but I am grateful for them all ! Now, Forever and Always, I Love You . Will you marry me ?

I'll keep my words .
And I'll always wait ...
Until God understand how deep I love you
And how important you are for me ...

Will you marry me ?

KahWai ..

Soft-hearted

I choose you to be my lifetime partner , to be part of me , also half of me
People ask me whether I regret having you ?
My answer is No
Because what I regret is what I choose .
Once I have chosen , I'll never regret being with you .

我知道自己在你心里已不重要...
虽然我们曾经相聚过也许对于你来说已经没有什么值得回忆 ...
难道早以注定 , 不能真正拥有你 ...
难道我真心付出一切只为了承受孤单和寂寞 ..
我知道你不敢对我坦白是不要看到我的伤怀 ...
虽然你没有说要离开我 ,
我已经感到你不再属于我 .....


I know that I am no longer important in your heart
Although we have been together before , maybe to you , there's nothing much worth a memory already .
Don't tell me, perhaps it's already destined , that I can't really have you .
I am concentrating giving everything from my heart , is to suffer , carry burden and loneliness .
I know you don't want to be truthful to me , because you don't wish to see me sad .
Even if you did not say you wan to leave me ,
I already understand and feel that , you are no longer mine ...

No matter what happens in your future , it doesn't matter whether you belongs to me or not , I just wish to take care you for the rest of my life , no matter what happen , even both of us are hurt in the same time , I am willing to heal you instead of myself . What I really wish from you is a piece of love , from your real heart . But I knew , everything won't be a miracle anymore , is only in my dreams , I can't even have the chance to take care of you , to see you ... I can only close my eyes with tears , slowly and slowly , by walking away myself to forget you ...

I never put you down afterall , Love KahWai ....

Sad news

Updated news , my friend passed away just now . Due to car accident in KL
Why things can just vanish in a second ?

Why is his previous girlfriend so sad ?
And finally look for him when he can't even do anything already , he is totally motionless , with eye closed and can't even speak out their heart words . Why do you have to look for him only when he is dead ? Why is love so important but evil at the moment too ? Is it if you wish to see someone that wouldn't want to confront you anymore , the only thing is to die and they will look for your souls not the real you as an alive human being ?

Things gone so wrong recently , why is everyone not appreciating things they have include myself . Why do I have to suffer like that ? I am wasting my time , my money , my energy , my soul , my spirit , everything just for a single little meaning of love !

I'm sorry my friend , I'll pray for your souls .....
And I will learn to appreciate things I have

Deep pain

Guys , thanks for concerning ,
From here , I tell everyone out there , cherish your love properly ,
I knew everything right now .....
I knew the reason you left me .....
I will never blame you , is all because of me ,
I never know how to keep you and your with someone new ....

Maybe you are right , everything is a joke ...
but for me , everything ain't a joke anymore .

I cannot believe this anymore , I shall put down now , must put down ...
Tell myself I have to put down ...

Monday , everything will be over , maybe my love to you isn't right anymore .
I hope you take care yourself very well because
I love you always , and always

My heart is now stopped .

Wondering

I just hate myself so much by keep thinking of you .
I cannot imagine I think that you were just trying to avoid me and tell me that you go sleep .
God am I right or wrong ?
I just can sense it I don't know why , am I going crazy or is it true ?
I just wish everything goes fine , goes well ,
then I'll be happy for you , but I guess your thinking the opposite way ,
Take care always , I'll pray for you .

Tonight I will be all the way on the bed , hearing songs , to clear my mind .
But songs resemble you too .....

28 October 2010 ?

A cup with us on it .....

A lovely photo album , hope you will put our photo in it ......

Another ring which I hope you will wait for me to hand you a very expensive diamond ring ...

Panda , Kangaroo , and wombat ..... Is going to welcome you to Perth soon

Butterfly earrings ....

You and them .....

Will October 28 this year create infinity memories ?

Will you still remember the date ?

Did you throw everything away ?

Every moment being with you on our anniversary , I never regret having it with you every moment . Photos above , is the 2nd year anniversary , it will be the last anniversary we will have . I lied you that I forget the anniversary , actually I did not and I waste 4 days time to search everything and to decorate it for you . I hope you will always remember . I would bring you out for dinner , to make you feel that you are the happiest girl in the world , but I guess right now , I don't even have a chance to talk to you in the phone .

Let this love to be uncherish , because I cherish it every moment .

The last photo taken by me and you inside my room with our seal pillow ...

But right now , seal pillow is alone , is just me and her , without you anymore she's not happy to be with me though .....

Love is blind , but I'm trying to replace you with someone else , but I just can't forget every seconds being with you , is because you're the only 1 in my heart , and you will always be the 1st ...

The love has shut ...

The love shall begin in my mind and last forever ,
People say , love is about the start of having someone with you .
Love for me is to think of how to end with a person I love the most right now .
I shut myself inside my room , I can never crawl out the room without a key .
My destination is always 4 walls faced to me ,
there is only a bed , a chair , a cupboard , a table and etc .

I knew you like wearing nice attire , having nice fashions , doing things you like without knowing that it would hurt you badly . I wouldn't want you to suffer like me , I am regret being like this for you .

I wish to see you when I am very weak , but right now , I don't even feel like letting you to see me , I felt very disgust about myself . I ask myself through the mirror , if I don't love myself , how am I able to love someone else . But I get an answer from myself , reminds me that I've lost the most important thing in my life , and that's you .

You wouldn't know how pain do I feel , I only can feel that the pain you feel were merely isn't counted as pain . You just love the presents I bought you , you like it very much , having your smile is my entire life happy moments ever . But can you just once think of how I feel ? Can you put everything aside , and really ask how am I ? I don't think so , I just have to tell myself , everything is dead , I shall leave it behind , and walk the way I should walk .
But how ? The key isn't with me , without motivation , I'm motionless .
I knew you knew how pain I am right now , but you just won't help me to stop myself from this pain ...

A part of you has grown in me .
And so you see , it's you and me
Together forever and never apart ,
Maybe in distance, but never in heart .

That farewell kiss which resembles greeting , that last glance of love which becomes the sharpest pang of sorrow . The simple lack of you is more to me than others' presence .

If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams , I will sleep forever ....

Where have you been ?

Where have you been ? Can God really tell me ? I really wish to know . Eventhough I cannot stop you from anything , but I really want to know I don't know why . Why am I still stalking on you ? I'm asking myself why !! My heart shattered into pieces but it is still working and heart beating . I hope it is not what I think it is . It is so obvious being like this already . Can you just let me know everything behind the scene ?

God ..... I'm begging you God , tell me , build it in my dreams ...
I realise after all medication , I just cannot put down one of the single memories .
Did you carry any of them ? Did you really miss the past between me and you ?

Good Luck

I'm worry for your studies , you wrote in your facebook stated that you need a big hug , I wish I can give you the big hug , but I don't think you need any of my hug anymore . I guess there will be someone you wish to hug right now besides me . Take care and study hard . Drink more water , is quite cold now , don't catch cold . You are weak , take care of yourself properly . I will just say this in my blog , I guess you won't even know I'm saying this , cause I leave to God to help you out ....

Do you remember our memories ???

Let's start with the definition of ''OUR MEMORIES" . Memories between us , definitely the happiest thing I've never gone through in my life . I love the way we are LAME , we can just do the silliest things in the world . We've created too much memories together . Almost everything I do , there's something about you . I'm trying to study as much as I can to move you out of my mind , but I realise it wouldn't work .

Study ~
1 .I remember the first time I teach you maths , to me you are a very clever girl . It is so cute to see how stubborn you are to solve one of the graph-mathematical question . I am very happy to help you out to solve it .

2.You are studying half way and suddenly run to me and gave me a big kiss and hug , I cannot stop myself but to hug you as long as I can because I really love your cent , it doesn't matter you are too thin , but I really like it .

3.I act like Jay Chou in the movie "Bu neng shuo de mi mi" , drawing the marks on the table using liquid paper . The way I make you smile , makes me feel so happy and think of it for the whole day .

4.When I'm studying in KL , you rang me and cried , afraid you cannot do well in your PMR . Without hesitation , I go AirAsia web to search for the earliest flight I can go back for you according to my schedule . 3 hours flight , I just can't wait to see how are you . For sure , each time I'll give you suprises if i'm going back for you . I love the way you cry and hug me telling me that you miss me so much , with your school wearing attire , and the way I touch your hair and tell you that is me , is really me , you are not dreaming , I am here to help you out .

I tried another thing , I go for sports . I enrolled myself in a competition , halfway playing , I realise I can't even concentrate playing the game , you remind me everywhere , by that moment I can still feel you that you are next to me , but the fact is ... your not next to me anymore .

Sports ~
1.Badminton
Badminton is my favourite sport . I thought this will be a thing which will not remind me of you . When I am playing , I remember I played with you , you are so cute and lazy to hit the shuttle . You get frustrated when you miss the ball .

2.Swimming
You do not know how to swim , same to your brother and sister . 3 of you reminds me of how you guys swim , is really funny and memorable , I remember I hug you inside the pool , I can still feel very warm eventhough the water is so cold . I remember that you were hugging me from behind , and I swim all the way to the end with you from my back . It doesn't matter how much energy I used , I will never let you go without me to the end .

3.Jogging
I jog over here with my Ipod , I just jog all the way without looking on the ground , jog and jog until I fall down , but your not here to lift me up , I have to lift myself up with tears . I remember when we are jogging together last time , you feel very tired and your leg is in pain , without any hesitation , I carry you all the way to go home , on the way , I am smiling also worrying . I am smiling is because I am happy for myself because I trust that I can carry you for the rest of your life , and on the other hand , I am worry for your health , you are a very weak person . I hope you will do regular exercise , to keep yourself healthy for the rest of your life .

After all , I just cannot put down everything between me and you . I know the memories to you , everything is distinguished . But I will cherish every part of it , I've asked you do you remember our memories ? You told me that it is just bitter and sweet , but is so much different from me , if you ask me the same question , I have to tell you that it takes me time to say everything to you . Everyone telling me that , it is a waste of time being with you , but I can just let everyone know , being with you , every minute , every second , it counts as a valuable lovely moment being with you . I will never mention I love you too you , is because being in love with you is more than the 3 words .

If you ask me do I still like you , I will tell you I do not like you but I love you .
If you ask me will I die for you , I will tell you I will not die for you is because I need to take care of you for the rest of my life .
If you ask me whether I will share everything for you , I will tell you I will never share but to give you everything I have .

But

If you ask me to leave you , I will have nothing to tell , but to wish you all the best , in everything ... I am still so worry for you , eventhough you told me that you are a big girl right now , but without me , I feel so worry for you , I am afraid to see you holding someone's shoulder . Because I don't feel like losing you , but everything just have to move on . All the best , you will always stay right next to me , keeping my heart calm and warm ....